NotBlueAtAll

I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

Appreciation

November13

I have had a couple of truly awful days. The worst period cramps I’ve had in ages combined with some pretty crummy things and stuff at work and I’d just had it. I had this horrifically angry woman in my head screaming awful things about people and the world and I was beginning to think that maybe she had a point. I knew it wasn’t the real me in there shouting, but at the same time it was a bit surprising that so much anger could come from some part of me.

Pain is a tricky beast. Trying to focus on anything when you’re in a lot of pain is difficult. Doing a bunch of physical labor while you feel as though you’re being skewered alive is nearly unbearable. My job is very physically demanding. My cramps started about an hour after I got to work, my period showed up a bit later. I was beside myself with pain and grief. First that my cramps came before anything else, but also that my period came early. It used to be that any little bit of stress would pop up and that sucker would choose to show up a week late, not early. Oh well.
Because I wasn’t supposed to start my period yet, I didn’t have my Diva Cup with me. Which meant that when the flow began I had to grab one of the sanitary napkins from the ladies room to use. So uncomfortable! And seriously? After using the cup for so long anything else feels super wrong. I wanted to cry when I pulled my pants back up and tried to walk with this giant pad between my legs. Ugh! The moment I got home I showered and put my cup in, so much better!
I don’t know why the cramps were so bad, or why the woman in my head was so violently angry. I was exhausted and growing bitter by the moment. I drank some fancy hard cider Raven gifted me for my b-day and watched The Walking Dead and tried my best to take my mind off of…everything! The next day only provided more of the same pains and discomforts. Things at work are always hectic and harried. But being in pain on top of that was a lot for me to handle. I did what I could, but I won’t lie, it took everything in me not to run screaming from the building about a dozen times on Monday.
I have been literally biting my tongue every moment at work this week. I’m not sure if it’s just my hormones or if it really is my coworker acting in a way that is absolutely infuriating to me. *Shrugs* All I know is that I’m sick of her constant lectures and repetition of the most mundane and obvious bullshit. I hate feeling like someone is talking down to me and that’s pretty much all I get here. So be it. The pay is good and the job itself ain’t so bad. I’m just super grateful to have a fucking job, anyway.
So last night when I got off work I was so pooped, but needed necessities like toilet paper and such and so I stopped off at Target. Whew! $200 later! Yikes! Not sure how that happened, but it had be quite a long time since I’d bought cleaning stuff and such and well, it should last awhile, hopefully. I get home, and was just having a terrible day, getting my key in the door when it was so dark out was nearly impossible (forgot to turn on the porch light) and our door decoration fell on my head and I nearly tripped over the dog trying to get inside. I was at wit’s end! I managed to get some stuff put away and use the restroom. Just as I was pulling up my pants again the doorbell rings!
At this point I may have actually said aloud, “Are you fucking kidding me?!” thinking it was a solicitor or neighbor or something similar. Nope! It was my wonderful and amazing boyfriend surprising me! Awww! What a surprise indeed! Gosh there just wasn’t a better site for my sore eyes to find, lemme tell ya! I was so delighted you could have pushed me over with a feather! He took us to dinner after I gave him about a hundred hugs. So unexpected and yet so necessary! Oh my gosh! That boy! I can’t even…
After dinner we watched the latest Big Bang Theory episode curled up under a throw blanket on my bed and a couple of episodes of Steven Universe (Cartoon Network) and just snuggled and laughed so much that I nearly forgot just about all of my troubles and pains. He does me wonders! I really feel like the luckiest girl in the world! I don’t know what I did to deserve to have him in my life, but I’m just about ready to stop wondering and questioning it. Because last night, when his arms were around me and I just sort of collapsed into the crook of his neck/shoulder, the bad things couldn’t touch me and it really felt like everything would be okay. *Blushes*
Today is another day and while I’m doing my best to hold onto that goodness he made me feel, already the bullshit is being slung at me and I can only bite my tongue for so long, ya know? I’m nodding and saying, “Yes, got it!” and feigning enthusiasm, but I’m not sure I’m a very good actor at this point. Whatever. So be it. I’ll be keeping my head down and my lips shut as much as possible. I just can’t put my heart and soul into this place, sadly. I will bust my hump, but I’m not giving them the best of me when they can’t even treat me like an adult. Ugh!
Sorry, bit of a rant/vent there. Ahem. I’m okay and will be. I just gotta get through today, right? Ha-ha! I hope you’re all doing well and feeling fabulous!
So much love from me to you!
<3
S
Be Sociable, Share!
posted under Uncategorized

Email will not be published

Website example

Your Comment:

 
Subscribe to my feed