NotBlueAtAll

I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

Another Update…

February19
So, I have a new job. My title is “Director of Happiness” and I am owning that shit, for real! I love it so far. I had been training in the San Francisco office the last three weeks. My home office will be much closer to my home, which will be nice because the 90+ minute commute is not fun. It’s a really awesome place to work and the people are amazing. It is only my second day in my home office and it’s been a challenge. I am committed and dedicated to cultivating and helping to create a more positive culture here, but it’s very different from SF.
I know I haven’t posted a thing in ages, but mostly that’s because I didn’t have anything to say or share. I also sort of feel like my last job put the zap on my creativity. I mean, I couldn’t even make my boyfriend a x-mas card! I tried, three times, and threw them all away. This isn’t a perfectionism thing, either. It was really awful! Other than a complete lack of creativity and a little bit of a rough patch, life is really good.
In fact, I’m kind of ridiculously happy, if not a bit tired, always. The bf and I are still going strong and he’s just the sweetest guy in the known universe. He got a little puglet a few weeks ago and that’s been great. Yes, it’s true, I’m a pug enabler/pusher, or so I’m told. Ha! I also have full time custody of my puggyman which has been quite an adjustment for both of us, but good none the less. He’s such a sweet little puggo and I truly cannot get enough of his snorgly love.
I often complain that I feel disconnected from my fat community and yeah, there’s a voice inside my head that says, “Then do something about it silly!” but I guess it’s more than just feeling disconnected. I am still feeling very hurt and betrayed, bullied and excluded and I’m still healing from all that happened last year. There’s so much I want to do, to cultivate and grow my local fat community. I still have not found a new venue for Fatty Affair, which is extremely frustrating. The bay area is a vast and varied place and apparently my original vision of creating a safe and fun space to grow the fat community in the south bay is a more difficult thing than I had realized. Well, I shouldn’t say that the growing part was difficult, more, accommodating that growth is the hard part. That’s a good problem to have, for sure, but it hasn’t made my search for a venue any easier. Certainly getting laid off unexpectedly didn’t help matters, but I am in a good place right now in my life (I have to pinch myself sometimes to make sure it’s not all some amazing dream) and I’d still really like to continue with Fatty Affair and it’s pure intentions of creating a positive space to celebrate body diversity. If you live in the bay area, please hit me up with any ideas or suggestions on how to make this work, always open to discuss! 🙂
Gosh, I’m not sure what else to say here. Being happy is not yet a comfortable place for me to be. Like, I can’t just relax and enjoy it. I’ve finally stopped questioning it, at least. It is a journey after all and not a destination. Having a job that focuses on the happiness of others really helps me remember to take care of myself better and to feel a sense of purpose and fulfillment in that, too. I know it’s sounds kind of fluffy, but I assure you it is also a lot of work and a constant challenge.
I do miss writing. I miss it quite a lot, but obviously I’m sort of at a loss about what to say. I mean, how the hell did I post five days a week for so long?!?! That seems so alien to me now. I forget what I used to write about and I suppose I could look through and see and even check the analytics about what was most popular, but that doesn’t feel natural, ya know?
So, what would you like me to write about? What would you like to see here? Fatshion pics? Dog pics? Stories of office life or other such daily things? Advice type things? I’m open to whatever, y’all, you gotta know that much! Ha-ha! So lay it on me! Tell me what’s on your mind! Should I just let this blog-a-ma-thing go?
<3
S

 

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9 Comments to

“Another Update…”

  1. On February 19th, 2014 at 5:47 pm E. Burden Says:

    I find myself in a similar place to you. I keep thinking none of it is real, possibly because it’s been so long since I’ve been this happy and content-and while the bad times sometimes drain me, these spots of coming to terms with everything being great require daydream time free from writing and art and all that for a bit 🙂 Keep your blog, just write here when you feel like it! Always love your fatshion stuff, you give me good ideas. And cute dog pics. <3

  2. On February 20th, 2014 at 10:26 am Not Blue at All Says:

    E.Burden: Aw! <3 ya!

  3. On February 19th, 2014 at 5:54 pm Whaliam Says:

    Regarding A Fatty Affair, have you looked at Southside Senior Center in San Jose? http://southsideseniorcenter.com/
    Senior centers in general make sense to me because (contrary to what we’re told) lots of seniors are fatties, and there are lots of senior centers.

  4. On February 20th, 2014 at 8:02 am Allison Says:

    Pugs, pugs, pugs! Puppy 😀

  5. On February 20th, 2014 at 10:26 am Not Blue at All Says:

    Allison: Wow! Okay! You got it! 😉

  6. On February 21st, 2014 at 1:54 pm Melissa Says:

    First off, I am glad you are back. I’m always excited when you post and what I enjoy most is the variety of the subjects of your posts. For me that is life sometimes…up, down , sideways, happy, sad, angry etc. So please keep the posts coming, if at all possible, about any/everything! <3

  7. On February 21st, 2014 at 2:30 pm Not Blue at All Says:

    Melissa: Thank you so much! This helps me so much! 🙂

  8. On February 26th, 2014 at 2:50 pm ian carruthers Says:

    I’d love to hear more about your job, and even more, how it changes your focus on taking care of yourself. There’s a lot of folks out there with real big hearts, who forget to take care of themselves in all the “other” taking-care-of.

    For instance, I have urges to volunteer all the time. However, I find that when I do, I can’t sustain it, like, at all. I still want to help, but that more traditional route just doesn’t seem to work for me. Which then makes me think of a quote that is attributed to Maya Angelou’s mom, in which she says [paraphrase], “If you only have one smile to give away today – don’t waste it on someone you don’t know. Give it to someone you love.”

    So, I’m now trying to help more locally. That is, my family and friends – when they need it, and I’ve got it to give, I give.

    So – your job as “Director of Happiness” intrigues me!

    Thanks, S. 🙂

  9. On February 26th, 2014 at 4:37 pm Not Blue at All Says:

    Ian: I just posted a bit about my job, but please feel free to hit me up with more questions. I think I might try to write something about what you mention here, for folks who want to give but don’t always have the spoons to do so in a traditional way. Thank you so much for your comment! You’re inspiring me today! 🙂

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