I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.



Talking with a fantastically wonderful friend the other day we discussed how life changing meeting a new person can be. Every person we meet, regardless of the context or relationship itself, has the potential to change us, teach us, grow us and expose us to  things and ways of thinking we’d never experienced before. For better or for worse, some of the people we meet give us a very special gift, a whole new way of seeing the world or ourselves, like getting a new pair of glasses. I like to think of this concept as “Perspective Lenses” (instead of prescription ones, yes?).

I have met people who have allowed me to see the world differently and myself differently, too. It’s like I had blinders on or maybe I was just going through the motions of life for awhile there on auto pilot. It’s sad to consider, but since all of that seems so far behind me I don’t mind. Ha! I think back to just a year ago when I sold my cafe and walked away. Whew! What a weight lifted from my mind! I cannot put into words how that felt. It was good. I held onto a lot of anxiety about it for a few months after the fact, but the daily grind was gone and that was enough to lift my spirits for awhile.

Getting out and about more while out of work also helped me to see the world differently. Like the brief but impactful conversation I’d had in Downtown San Jose with a homeless man who was working on his great novel. When I mentioned that I too had intentions of writing a book, his face lit up and he paused his brisk pace and looked at me and smiled, “A fellow writer!” I will never forget that. It’s only an instant, but it’s human connection on a spiritual level. That is the spice of life!

Sometimes you make a new friend or acquaintance and whether or not they stay in your life or not, you’re completely changed! Even after participating in the fat acceptance/liberation movement for years I never once thought that I was actually beautiful other than on the inside. It didn’t matter much to me and I wasn’t seeking some sort of validation outside of myself for it either. But you meet people and hear their views and thoughts and it took  meeting these magnificent beings for me to see the beauty and strength in myself that was there all along. Perhaps I needed a guide of sorts to lead the way, but once I saw myself in this new light there was no turning back.

Random conversations in bars and on the train or the grocery store or street corner, these are those special moments that spark creativity or epiphanies or sudden desires to improve oneself or get out and experience the world MORE! I love this. This is what I’m after. This is how we evolve and become enlightened. It is why it is so important to get out from time to time. To take a break from the task at hand and just be somewhere else. Getting outside your comfort zone really helps, too. If you’re a creative type you may already know this, but it’s when I walk away from the struggle and the agony of writing or painting or what have you and do something entirely different, or nothing at all, that the great idea or concept I’d been looking for comes to mind. That light bulb moment! That light bulb needs the energy of others to turn on, I think.

I wear my “Perspective Lenses” almost 24/7, now. Only in moments of darkness or weakness do I remove them and betray myself. It is only when I forget my own power that I allow others to hurt me. The Earth, much like the sea, is so vast and full of creatures, I try not to limit myself to just the familiar ones now. I have seen far too much to hold myself back again. I will never again wear blinders or phone in my own life. I want to connect and exude and shine!

Has someone made you see things so differently that you could never go back? Has a random encounter with a would be stranger stuck with you? Has someone else made you see yourself differently? Tell me about it! 🙂




Life is all about perceptions. How we see the world at a given time and place makes us see other things in that light or through that lens. Given enough time and space, things seem different somehow. What was once so urgent and necessary can seem trivial in hindsight. The memories now hazy and sepia-toned become little more than “remember when…” and we find small-knowing smiles all too common among them.

Time is funny. It can be torturous and healing at the same time. Time is a test for us all, I think. I know it is for me. Whoa is it ever?! I’m a passionate lady, I do things with my whole self. I don’t half-ass things, generally speaking. I don’t just have passing thoughts and pay no mind to them. I’m a deep thinker and a mental masochist. People tend to worry if I’ve been quiet for a noticeable amount of time. My nearest and dearest know this and me enough to check in when I’ve gone silent or hidden myself away for too long. I’m gathering, grounding, regrouping and healing myself, usually. But too much of that and I do get a bit, um…shall we say coo-coo-bananas? Ha-ha!

Time has been such a beast and a bear for me this year. It’s September now?! I mean…who let that happen? Ha-ha! I cannot believe for the life of me all that has come to pass since the first of this year. It seems like both a lifetime ago and yesterday. I have grown and learned and changed so much in that short span it is difficult for me to wrap my head around, let alone try to explain it. I am grateful for the gift that this time and this life has given me.

My perceptions on just about everything have changed in some way or another. I have seen myself through others eyes and have been so blessed to have the gift of “Perspective Lenses” given to me by them. I have met people in the last few months that have somehow known parts of me that I was not yet ready to see for myself. I have had the luxury of this time and this space to be able to step back often and take a look at where I am, how far I’ve come and all that I am and have in my life now. When I say that I am grateful and blessed, I am not kidding.

Today I am feeling good. Like, really good. Like, everything is going to be okay because it just is, it always is, for you and for me. This crazy world keeps a-spinnin’ and damn, isn’t it great that it does? I have had some moments this year, okay more like days and weeks, where everything seemed so on-the-brink that I couldn’t even comprehend calmness. Yet, here I am. I am full of love right now. I am feeling fulfilled and strong. I am facing my fears and anxieties left and right and conquering them one by one. I am following my passions and dreaming new dreams.

This self-acceptance journey is no joke. It is a lot of work, for all of us. But it is so much sweeter thanks to the wonderful people we come across on our way. They all impact us, they leave an impression always. We can’t always choose how we are affected by them, but we are and hopefully we can grow and learn from every new experience and person we encounter. When the right mix of people come together, it is incredible, it is inspiring and it is magic!

As I look back on these past months and all that has transpired I am just in awe. I stopped questioning myself and my decisions and I don’t even know when that happened. Ha-ha! I’ve let go of a lot, too. I’ve let go of a lot of obstacles that existed for no one but myself, but those are the toughest, ya know. I’m proud of myself and the life I have. That is still a bit hard to say, but it’s true (even if it feels so tentative). I know what I am capable of and that the only thing stopping me from doing anything is me.

Why was this all so hard to arrive at? Ah yes! Perception! I see it all so clearly now! Ha-ha! Is this maturity? Is this wisdom? Is this living? I have no fucking clue! But what I do know is that I am buckled up and ready for what comes next!







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